Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
