I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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