how can u be prego again
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
