There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
