The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Randomize
