my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
