We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
