I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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