ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
