I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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