I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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