cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
