I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
