Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Houston, we have a blender
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
