you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
