theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
she peed on how many people?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
