I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
