she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
