You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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