You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
