You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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