she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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