Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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