I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
