There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Found the puke drawer
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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