i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
