I just threw up on my dentist
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
