I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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