we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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