I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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