sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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