So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
