Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
