I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
