Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
