Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
whose parrot is this?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
