I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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