So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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