I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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