I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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