Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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