If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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