On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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