My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
