I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
