ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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