you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
