Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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