no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
