Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
