Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
