I smell stomach acid.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
