There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
