my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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